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Written during the winter of 2021.


I looked out at my car this morning buried in snow after not having left my house in 4 days and decided today will be the day I stop driving unless I really have to. Gas is too expensive and my body seems to be protesting capitalism in more ways than I can count lately.


On my way to the market I felt such a remembrance for why I love walking, how it brings me back to my body, helps me to feel connected to the Earth and in touch with the elements. I feel more alive and connected to others I pass by. I let go of whatever victim narrative I woke up with.


Being outside inspires me, the things I find on the ground, on the side of the street, in the nooks and crannies of parking lots and even in dumpster bins. I think of all the garbage I have found over the years and made into art, the cupboards, door frames, windows, the rusty-god-knows-what chipped away at, pretty, ugly things that nobody wants. I feel these things reach out to me with a life of their own, wanting to be loved back to life in some way.


The slow pace of walking helps my nervous system to re-calibrate (and maybe integrate some things too), my mind wanders with creative ideas and flashes of insight. I take a moment to be thankful for the level of poverty I've experienced in my lifetime and all that it has taught me. I think of all the walking I've done, the blisters, the sore ankles, the chilblains, the childish whining and tolerating the time it takes, how cold it is to wait. The rushing for busses that come too early or too late and the letting go of control. I think to myself that it's true, that saying that the meek shall inherit the Earth. I know of the Heaven we can find through being pushed to the margins, the delights we uncover in the dark places we go to when we forget that we matter. There is a secret intrinsic sense of self worth hidden in material scarcity. It's often in these places of destitute that we re-member what actually truly matters. To my mind and heart in this moment, it's connection: to my body & spirit, to others, to the earth, to creativity, to what's meaningful & inspiring.


At the market I buy only what I really need and only things that really speak to me - a pineapple, a blueberry scone, some string beans and doubles. Everything feels sacred when there isn't much to go around. I forgot this part of being poor, how I appreciate the little things so much more.


On my way back from the market, I notice the symbolism of literally being pushed to the margins by the simple ignorant ways the streets are plowed with zero consideration it seems for those of us who are walking. My mind flips to various scenarios of people in wheel chairs and moms pushing strollers up hills through sludge and just how difficult it is on the daily, how the world is set  up in so many unfair ways. Why is it I wonder that those who already get to go faster and be warmer in their cars also get their way plowed and we get pushed to the side of the street where we are more likely to be hit and possibly killed.


I think of all the times I have been hit by cars. The worst time I was hit dead on. I remember biking up Adelaide st and out of the corner of my eye I see a woman gunning it for me. I thought she wanted to kill me but she was just trying to get wherever she was going a little faster, without even looking across the street, just watching the traffic from left to right so she could dart across in a flash. I guess I was faster than a pedestrian approaching and thankfully was wearing a helmet.


So she hits me, bang, dead on, bruising my legs for weeks and then she swerves just enough to not completely run over me.

I remember being amazed with the strength of my legs to not break. I remember flying off my bike, my now slightly mangled bike. I watched her car stop and not move a few feet ahead of me, assuming she was deciding between a hit and a hit and run. I waited and felt some breath escape my mouth in the form of exasperation, that quick laugh mixed with shock at the prospect of her leaving without saying a word. To my surprise she actually got out of her car, bawling uncontrollably. I think I even gave her a hug and assured her I was ok and not to worry about it, "I'm totally fine". I felt amazing and pretty high on adrenaline. Every time I've been hit, I always appreciate the drug like after effect.

Anyway, how quickly our lives can be taken away. The bike I was using then wasn't even mine, mine had been stolen and I was borrowing my besties which i had to pay to fix. I actually didn't even realize it at the time that I could be compensated for something that wasn't my fault, my body and mind trained out of entitlement.


Poverty implies punishment. You're struggling and your bank accounts don't balance, you get fined. Your parents can't afford the school trip, you get to stay back with the "bad" kids. You can't afford rent, you get kicked out. I lived in 14 different houses by the time I was 14 (well mostly apartments and town houses, some pull out couches and even one hallway). Sometimes we'd move several times in one year. I don't take family for granted anymore, sometimes they are all you have when shit hits the fan. One of the many values I carry with me and cherish is taking people in and the security in knowing loved ones often have my back too, when they can.


Being poor has brought me to the brink, it has both tamed and inflamed my ego. It has had me in tears on countless occasions, I have felt alone, in pain, misunderstood and in disbelief. It has made me a "thief".


Poverty has also brought me so much wisdom and compassion, so much depth and understanding, it has brought me a lot of trauma, shame, depression and insecurity too. It has shaped me to deeply value community, both blood and chosen family too.


Most importantly it has brought me deeper into connection with the divine, it has anchored me in spirit, shaped me and made me resilient, resourceful and strong (sometimes). Poverty inspires me endlessly to look for the beauty in everyone and everything (especially in those people and places where it's hard to find). Poverty has provided me with a deep affinity with the underdog and has helped me to see that the world is full of lies, full of systems that aren't fair and don't work. It has helped me to know deep down in my own heart that no matter what things look like on the outside, no one here is any better than anyone else. The myriad of ways in which we are treated and trained to feel lesser than is so real but not based on any inherent truth.

Sagittarius New Moon

By Nat Moynagh • December 1, 2024
December 1st, 2024 Leading up to the Sag new moon (on Sunday) I want you to think about what’s true, meaning in accordance with what’s factual, what’s based in reality “the world or the state of things as they actually are as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them”. There is power and freedom in separating fact from fiction, in separating what happens from what and how we think and feel about it, from how we interpret things. When we look at things as they factually are from this larger perspective we align ourselves more accurately with the truth of who we really are- we become more like open sky, expansive ocean, beautiful rolling hills that stretch on forever rather than as separate selves stuck in this or that notion. The Sag archetype knows how to occupy this open space, this sense of freedom, this expansiveness of self. We can pay homage to this moon through watering the seeds of truth in ourselves, by stepping out of our comfort zones and our subjective experiences. We can search beyond ourselves for deeper truth, for greater meaning and soul satisfying goals to achieve. It’s worth noting that this moon also has some tension and bound up in that tension is a lot of energy we can put to good use with Saturn as our guide. Saturn teaches us how to hold all of this fire responsibly, with wisdom and maturity. Not to dampen it but to sustain it, to contain it and to keep it going through the winter months. How do we tend to our fires, to our inspiration, to our creative juices, to our muses, to our joy? Sag season is not about order and structure as Saturn tends to be. Sag season brings us into chaos, into change and instability, into mutable energy. We’re entering that season now where the darkness begins to take over the light and It’s important to honour that, to adapt and to allow change to happen. It’s happening anyway. But Saturn in Pisces is also asking us to find some structure in that somehow. With mercury also retrograde in Sag we’re reviewing some things, redoing some things maybe, integrating s l o w l y. I have noticed over the years when we slow down intentionally less seems to go awry.

Taurus Full Moon

By Nat Moynagh • November 21, 2024
November 15th, 2024 Change and stability don’t always go hand in hand, but in today’s weather perhaps they can. With a Taurus Moon we want comfort and stability but with Uranus by her side there’s also something changing, some disruption we might feel, some un-ease or maybe the seeds of a revolution being planted. Some part of us can feel it, taste it, touch it, smell it in the air. My hope is this moon signals a change for something beneficial, to break up the stagnancy that sometimes accompanies what’s solid, stubborn and stuck in its ways. Today is Venus’ day. Love, beauty and connection are sentiments worth wrapping ourselves in, in all of the ways we can. We need the collective protection, nourishment and strength of power to create new systems of change, of care and abundance in our communities. The kind of abundance that grows from trees and yet is not made into money. With this moon we can stand under her like she’s pouring down the milk we need, to carry us forward through all of these changes, the good, the bad and the horrific ugly ones that don’t seem to be changing. With Pluto moving into Aquarius soon, on November 19th (just for the next 20 year or so!), there’s a lot of big movement afoot. Changes are coming, ones we can’t see clearly yeT but they are there and they will begin to take root, to search upward for the light and someday bear fruit. .

Scorpio New Moon

By Nat Moynagh • November 12, 2024
Nov 1st 2024 When we move into the darkness, we don’t always know what we’ll encounter there and what we’ll do with it once we know what we’re working with. This Scorpio season and the new moon approaching might teach us how to both entangle and untangle, how to be re-shaped, transformed and made anew by the underworld journeys that we take even if we struggle sometimes to find trust or to have faith in the process. In the rawness of being in contact with our own inner landscapes, we find deep intimacy with ourselves and each other. Scorpio’s journey here is one of plunging into those depths and finding some gold there. It’s in taking what’s dark, messy, confusing and painful about the world and our own human experience and finding the beauty and meaning in all of it s o m e w h e r e, s o m e h o w. This season is helping us to find those quiet moments of being with the divine in all things, even in those things we find hard to look at ~ in ourselves, in each other and in the world at large, and instead, finding a way be with and hold the complexity, the full catastrophe of it all. We’ll never really see our own blind-spots clearly (I’m learning) if we don’t first allow ourselves to be exposed as the real, tender, fallible, human beings that we actually are. Sometimes the biggest secrets we have are the ones we unknowingly keep from ourselves. Getting to know them is a birthing process, one that can be deeply gutting, healing, transformative, intense and full of hope for what's next.

Art as Therapy

By Nat Moynagh • October 16, 2024
From as far back as I can remember I have been invested in the creative process because it offers me a safe space to explore my inner world. This is a place where I can contact, feel and express or release anything I need to, whether it’s a joy, a sadness, an anger or something taboo. Anything and everything that seems unacceptable out there in the “real” world, feels invited to the table through the creative process. It’s a place where everything in me can exist, be seen and felt. Putting these feelings, whether they are stagnant, stuck or free-flowing states out into the world in whatever way feels best provides a sacred type of container for feelings and impressions that are hard to articulate otherwise. Impossible to bring to the surface sometimes in a conscious way, they require an unconscious surrendering to the emotional world that lies within us which we are often expected to repress. Art in this way can function as a medium through which we liberate the parts of ourselves we hold prisoner. Because this sense of hiding or severing at one point in time was adaptive and purposeful it's worth honouring this aspect of ourselves as an ally since it has likely helped us to survive. However, without a tangible way to reprocess and transform our unresolved pain we remain cut off from vital life force and a deeper sense of joy, wholeness and peace that could be in our lives otherwise. By willingly moving through our pain with the creative process as our guide we become alchemists capable of transforming the deepest wells of darkness back into light. Art making can be used as a tool to explore and process our dreams, to re-frame our experiences in waking life, creating positive changes in our lives. Through the creative act we can begin to build new neural pathways and narratives about ourselves and the world we find ourselves in. We can connect with our higher selves and over time become more identified with the witness of our experience rather than being hijacked and over-identified with our pain bodies. In this space of curiosity and surrender we can embrace the power we all have to re-write and re-wire things, to start fresh and create a new story, one that is authentically ours rather than handed down through generations of recycled wounding.

Healing

By Nat Moynagh • October 16, 2024
Everyone has the capacity to heal themselves, but we too often mistake healing as something we need to go out and get from someone else. Sometimes this is an important step on our healing journeys but more often than not, the sense of peace and connection we crave has usually been laying dormant inside of us all along. ​ We all have access to source. We are inextricably linked to the universal life force that flows through our bodies and animates all living things. ​This beingness we long to return to often gets blocked by the various traumas that arise in our lives, through misinterpretations of our selves and the culture of busy. ​ By tapping into our innate capacity to heal we begin to develop a relationship to source, (whether it is through growing a deeper awareness of our own spiritual bodies, the spirit of our ancestors, nature or through a spiritual practice of some kind) we begin to reclaim our true selves. Here we can cultivate a relationship with consciousness itself and experience a sense of calm that unfolds when energy blocks begin to dissipate through connecting to something larger than the egoic self. ​ Often we live our lives on autopilot. We don't realize the stresses that we carry with us or the armouring we build up over time to protect ourselves. ​We have learned through a sick culture to stuff our feelings away, to be 'professional', nice or tough instead of remaining in touch with our true selves and the sensations that naturally arise in our bodies. ​ We think our resistance to pain protects us and in some ways it buys us more time to work through things later but more often we forget what's inside of us (not living) and it makes us anxious, depressed or chronically sick. We forget how to be open, how to feel and release these tense energetic states that so badly want our attention. ​ We have the power to reconnect with these wounded places in ourselves, to dissolve the resistance and create more space for joy and presence in our lives. It's impossible to live in this culture and have it all together. We are all wounded and all on the mental health spectrum. Energy healing is a reliable tool that is always available to everyone by virtue of being in a body. We are all mediums for universal life force. Maybe you just have to put your hands wherever it hurts and ask for assistance from whatever you believe in whether it's your "higher" self or something else connected to source. Maybe you find healing through dance, or art, walking through nature or taking a bath. Maybe it's chatting with your dead grand-mother, planting a garden or mindfully eating. Whatever it is, know that you have access to healing no matter who you are, no matter what your life circumstance is. You are powerful beyond measure.
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